


The Future in Our Hands

by miss-minnelli (sherlollyshipperalltheway)



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Childhood Friends, F/F, Flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7672813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlollyshipperalltheway/pseuds/miss-minnelli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicky and Lorna were best friends growing up, and for a time, they were even girlfriends. Now they meet again at Litchfield years after a messy, breakup and find they have to deal with lingering feelings of anger and more importantly, love. </p>
<p>Nichorello Childhood Friends AU!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Here I am with another multi-chapter Nichorello fic, and this time it is a Childhood Friends AU. Parts written in italics are flashbacks. Title is from "Almost Paradise" from Footloose for obvious reasons. Please comment if you enjoy!

Today is the day that Lorna Morello is going to prison. Her trial was long and painful, so part of her is glad that the jury reached a verdict, but her other part really doesn’t want to go to prison for the next three years. She looks at herself in the bathroom mirror of her and her sister Franny’s dingy apartment and tries to keep from crying. Their mother used to live with them as well, until she passed away a few years ago. The space she left has been replaced with Franny’s two bouncy boys who never seem to stop talking. Lorna supposes that if she weren’t about to go to prison, she would be thinking about getting her own apartment to get away from the noise. Nearby, of course, but with her own private rooms that she can decorate all by herself. Now, all she has to worry about is how she is going to get a hold of her favorite shade of lipstick in prison, although what does it matter, really? Who could she possibly want to impress in prison, for God’s sake?

Nevertheless, Lorna gets dressed in her favorite dress, which is a flowy black dress covered with tiny white hearts. It was a hand-me-down from Franny, one of the only pieces of clothing Franny used to wear that she likes. Her sister can’t wear it anymore after having two babies, so Lorna happily accepted it. She does her makeup like usual and brushes her practically waist-length brown hair, curling the ends a little bit. Lastly, she clasps on her silver cross necklace, a gift from her father, whom she only sees about once a year. 

Lorna’s parents divorced when she was six, and by the time she was seven, Lorna had moved from Boston to Brooklyn with her mother and older sister to this tiny apartment where there was never enough space. She used to have Christmas with her father each year, but his health has been deteriorating in the past few years, so he hasn’t been able to visit. Lorna and Franny have to share a car, so that’s made it difficult for them to visit their father, what with all the kids, and the cost of a hotel. 

She sits down at the little desk in her room and picks up a framed picture of her family in front of her childhood home in Boston, almost twenty years ago. Her parents are smiling, and her father has his arm around her mother. Franny is about ten, and her toothy smile is greatly in need of braces. She is clutching the hand of her younger sister, Lorna, about five, who is halfway wrapped around her father’s leg, grinning up at the camera.

Lorna turns the frame around, takes the photo out, and slides it gently into the manilla envelope of possessions she is taking to prison.

“LOR-NA,” comes a shout from two rooms over. Franny is in a hurry to get Lorna to the prison because she has to pick up her kids from their dad’s house as soon as possible.

After one last glance around her bedroom, she shuts the door and makes her way to the front of the apartment. “Coming, Fran.”

… 

Litchfield is bigger than Lorna imagined. Franny parks the car and Lorna rings her hands together. 

“You got everything?” Franny asks, with only a touch of impatience.

Lorna wants to be angry at her for rushing, but she understands why her sister doesn’t want to hang out at the prison for too long. “Sure. I’m ready.” That second part is a lie, but Lorna puts on a brave face and gets out of the car. Franny walks her to the door and gives her a quick, tight hug. 

“I’ll see you next week, okay Lor?” She’s trying to fight back tears, but Lorna’s already given up that battle.

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Bye Franny. I love you.”

“Love you too, Lorna.” Franny purses her lips to keep in a sob and waves before she gets back in the car.

Lorna turns around and opens the glass door to the prison. The inside smells of sweat and hand sanitizer. She shakily approaches the counter, behind which sits a grumpy looking blonde woman. Her shirt reads “Bell”. 

“Hi, my name is Lorna Morello. I’m um, here to self-surrender.”

“Oh, would ya look at that. How sweet of you,” mutters Bell sarcastically.

The small brunette just stays quiet and does as she’s told, answering the guard’s many questions. Bell mutters something else about today being a quiet day, and immediately takes Lorna to the back to squat and cough and put on her uniform. She realizes quickly how much she hates this shade of orange, but tries to imagine a place where this color would actually be appropriate. Maybe on a beach in Mexico.

“Hey, let’s go, Morello,” Bell shouts, shaking Lorna from her daydream and handing her a prison issue coat.

Around the back of the building is a white van with it’s door open. When Lorna doesn’t move, Bell points to the van and barks, “Get in.”

… 

_“Get in the car, girls,” Lorna’s mother said sharply and led Franny out the front door. Lorna had been dragging her feet all morning. She was reluctant to leave behind their big house in Boston, and even more, her father._

_The little girl stood in the foyer with her back to the door and stared back at the house she’d grown up in thus far. It seemed huge to a petite six-year-old, clutching her two little suitcases. One was stuffed full of her clothes, and the other contained her most prized possesions: A teddy bear named Rosemarie, a stack of letters from her much older brother, who was in the army, a cassette tape of the Beach Boys, and a videocassette tape of_ Funny Face. _She had already said farewell to her room, and the big backyard, so now the only thing left was to hug her father goodbye._

_She threw down her suitcases in the doorway and ran up to her father as he approached from the living room. He hoisted her up and she buried her face in his shoulder. “Why can’t you come too, Daddy?” the little girl asksed for the third time that morning._

_“You know why, sweetheart. Your mother and I aren’t going to be living together anymore, so you’re going on an adventure with her and Fran, okay? You’re gonna have a ton of fun, and I’ll see you at Christmas.” He tried to put Lorna down, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and refused to let go. “Sweetie, you gotta go now. Your mother’s waiting. I love you, sweet girl.” He peeled Lorna’s arms apart and set her down on the floor._

_She picked up her suitcases again and meekly said, “Bye, Daddy,” before running out the door toward the waiting car._  

…

Lorna skitters over to the van and climbs into the back seat. Unexpectedly, she is greeted by a smiling face from the front seat. “Hi, I’m Valduto. Well, my friends call me Mercy. We usually go by last names here, but I hate mine.” She grins, and motions for Lorna to introduce herself.

“Oh. I’m Lorna—Morello, I guess.” She’s a little taken aback by the friendliness of Mercy, as she suspects not everyone will be quite so nice.

Just then, in fact, a grumpy, balding officer shuts the back door of the van and climbs into the front seat quite out of breath. He grunts at Mercy, pointing toward the main prison building.

Mercy starts up the van, and Lorna takes one last look at the parking lot where she was a free woman not even an hour earlier. 

The guard in the front doesn’t seem to be saying anything, so Mercy glances at Lorna in the rearview mirror. “Hey, don’t look so scared. Nobody here is too bad. You seem nice. I’ll introduce you to Red. She works in the kitchen and she’s been looking for a new server. I bet she’ll like you. Red’s like my ma here. Don’t know what I would do without her.” 

Mercy continues chattering until they arrive at the big building. She shuts off the engine and gets down from the driver’s seat. The guard doesn’t move, so Lorna stays still as well until Mercy comes around and opens her door. The taller girl extends a hand to Lorna and helps her down from the van. She leads the way to the door and into the prison. The walls are the same color as those in Lorna’s apartment, which is strangely comforting.

Mercy takes her down a hallway and points out the commisary, the laundry counter, and the medical counter. She points in the direction of the dorms and the cafeteria before stopping at one of the rooms full of bunk beds. “So, this is where you’re going to be staying until they assign you a dorm. Just hang out here until lunch and then, hey DeMarco,” she turns to a short lady lounging on a bottom bunk, “show Morello here to lunch, kay?” Mercy looks back at Lorna. “I’ll be back here at dinner and then I’ll introduce you to Red. Sound alright? I gotta get back to work, but I’ll see you later. Here’s a toothbrush. And stop lookin’ so scared.”

Mercy darts out the door, leaving Lorna to stare at the room of bunk beds before her.

… 

_“Hey mom? Can I go to sleepaway camp with Nicky this summer?” asked a ten-year-old Lorna. She was sitting at the kitchen table next to her best friend Nicky Nichols. They’d been inseparable since Lorna’s first week of second grade when she moved to Brooklyn. Nicky was going to an overnight camp that summer and Lorna desperately wanted to go with her._

_Her mother was cooking spaghetti in their tiny kitchen. She turned around and looked at Lorna helplessly. “Lory, I told ya, we can’t afford a camp this summer. And I need you to help out around here._

_Lorna’s face fell, and Nicky noticed immediately. “My mom can pay for it!” she interjected tactlessly. “She wouldn’t mind.”_

_Lorna suspected that Nicky’s mom didn’t even blink twice before writing Nicky a check for whatever she asked for, while Lorna’s mom could barely afford to buy ice cream for her daughters every few weeks._

_Mrs. Morello put down the spoon she was using to stir the sauce and turned around to look at the girls. “That is very kind of you Nicky, but we couldn’t possibly accept such a gift. And like I said, I need Lorna to do house cleaning this summer while I’m at work.”_

_“But Mom, Nicky’s mom said she doesn’t mind!” This was only half a lie because both girls were sure Marka wouldn’t mind throwing money at her daughter if it would make her shut up._

_“Yeah, she seriously doesn’t,” added Nicky with a trace of bitterness in her voice. Sometimes she wished for a mother who cared the way Lorna’s did._

_Lorna’s mom clanged the sauce spoon against the pot as she returned to stirring. “End of discussion, girls. Lorna, we don’t take handouts in this house.”_

… 

“Ey, Morello, right?” asks the small woman with blue eyeshadow.

“Yeah, that’s me,” replies Lorna softly. She crosses the room toward the woman who had been introduced to her as DeMarco and puts her bag of bedding on the top bunk above her.

“Good to meet a fellow Italian.”

Lorna manages a small smile. “Yeah, of course, I’ve never actually been there. But it sounds nice.”

DeMarco gets a dreamy look in her eyes. “Yeah, it’s not so bad, right Miss Rosa?”

A bald woman in the bunk opposite DeMarco, laughs in agreement, but that seems to be all the energy she has, so she closes her eyes, leaning back against the cinderblock wall behind her.

“Oh, Jesus, enough talk about fuckin’ Italy. England’s where it’s at,” says a woman who Lorna hadn’t noticed before, as she rolls over on her top bunk in the lefthand corner of the room. 

DeMarco rolls her eyes. “Bullshit, Boo. You ain’t never been to England.”

“True, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know where the party is. And who do we have here?” she asks, eyeing Lorna like a piece of meat.

“This here’s Morello,” says DeMarco. “Morello, this is Big Boo. And Boo, you’d better not let Mercy see you lookin’ at Morello here like that or she’ll kick you to the curb.” She laughs with contempt and leans back against the wall with her hands behind her head.

“Nah, don’t worry, I promised I’d leave the next hot one to Nichols,” Boo says with a smirk in Lorna’s direction.

Lorna’s stomach drops at the name “Nichols”. “Who’s Nichols?” she asks, both excited and frightened to hear the answer.

“Ah, you’ll meet her soon enough,” answers Boo with a laugh, “and she’s gonna have a field day with you.”

Lorna’s eyes widen and her stomach drops, dreading the thought that this Nichols might be _her_ Nichols. But she takes a deep breath and climbs up to her bed, not even bothering to lay out her mattress, and tries to breathe through the panic.

 …

After lunch, and several long hours of staring at the ceiling, Mercy comes to the little room to grab Boo, her prison wife, for dinner and invites Lorna along. Lorna hops off her bunk and shuffles along quietly behind Mercy and Boo, trying not to interrupt their “wife time”. 

When the group arrives at the cafeteria, Mercy turns around says, “I’ll take you up to the front to meet Red before we eat, okay? I think she’s really going to like you.” She smiles, and Lorna lets out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. She’s going to be okay here.

… 

_Lorna’s first day of second grade at her new school in Brooklyn was disappointing, to say the least, and she begged her mother not to make her go back the next day._

_“The kids are mean, Mama! They don’t want to talk to me.”_

_“Just be yourself, little lady, somebody’s gonna love you.”_

_Despite her ragged sobs the night before, Lorna found herself on the bus to school that next morning. She sat near the front of the bus in the hopes that someone would take the seat next to her, but all the kids passed her and sniggered to each other, causing Lorna to look down and make sure she hadn’t spilled breakfast on her dress. Her outfit seemed clean, so the little girl didn’t understand why nobody wanted to sit with her._

_This trend continued throughout the morning. No one chose the desk next to her in class, and nobody wanted to be her reading partner when the teacher asked them to split up into pairs._

_By the time recess came, Lorna felt like crying all over again. She watched longingly from a hard, blue bench as kids swung happily on the monkey bars and chased each other around in a game of tag. She hugged her lunch box close to her chest and tried to keep the tears from falling._

_“Hey, there. What’s your name?”_

_Lorna looked up to see one of the teacher’s assistants staring down at her. “I’m Lorna.”_

_“Hi, Lorna,” she said, taking a seat next to the girl. “I’m Ms. Caper. You see that girl over there by the fence?” She pointed to a girl with wild, curly blonde hair and ripped jeans crouched down next to a fence. The kid was rubbing two sticks together, as if trying to start a fire. “I was just thinking that she looked a little lonely. Do you want to go introduce yourself? I think you two would be good friends.”_

_Lorna nodded and hopped down from the bench. She smiled nervously at Ms. Caper before crossing the yard to the blonde girl._

_“Hi, I’m Lorna. What’s your name?” she asked, remembering to wait for a response before rambling on again._

_The other girl looked up from her sticks. “Nicole. But everybody calls me Nicky. Only my mom calls me Nicole.”_

_Lorna nodded in response, suddenly speechless at the fact that another kid here was interested in talking to her. After a few moments, she remembered her words. “What are you doing?” She pointed to Nicky’s collection of sticks._

_The blonde giggled. “I was pretending I’m an orphan living on the streets, and I was trying to make a fire to cook my dinner.”_

_Lorna screwed up her nose as she sat down beside Nicky. “An orphan? Why?”_

_“Doesn’t it sound exciting? Nobody around to tell you what to do. I could go anywhere I wanted and my mom wouldn’t even be there.”_

_“Why don’t you want your mom to be there?”_

_Nicky put down the sticks and leaned back against the fence. “She’s kind of mean.” She paused. “But it’s okay. Are you new?”_

_“Yeah, I just moved here from Boston. My mom left my dad, and I had to go with her.”_  
  
_“That sucks. I don’t have a dad at all. I just have a nanny. And my mom’s friend Pablo. He’s kind of mean too. But my nanny’s nice. Her name is Carla. Do you want to come over and meet her sometime?”_

_Lorna beamed back at her new friend. “Yeah, sure! You can come to my house too. My mom’s not mean. But she makes me do things I don’t want to sometimes. Like come back to school today even though yesterday nobody talked to me.”_

_Nicky smiled too. “I’m glad you came back because now we can be best friends!”_

… 

“Hey Gina, is Red back there?” Mercy asks a petite woman as she and Lorna approach the front of the cafeteria.

The short woman nods. “Yeah, hang on a sec.”

Moments later, a rather scary looking woman with blood-red hair appears in the doorway looking angry. “Is something wrong?” she asks Mercy in a rough Russian accent.

To Lorna’s surprise, Mercy laughs. “No, Red. I just wanted to introduce you to Lorna. She’s one of ours. Remember, you told me to grab our girls and bring them to you first thing?”

“Ah, yes. Hello…” 

“Lorna. Er, Morello. Lorna Morello. It’s nice to meet you…Red.” 

“Ey, what’s all the commotion out here,” rasps a voice that Lorna knows all too well. The girl belonging to the voice pops out from the kitchen and does a quick double-take. Her hair is as wild and curly as ever, if a little less blonde, but she looks like the world has been hard on her since Lorna last saw her. Sure enough, Nicky Nichols is here at Litchfield, and Lorna wants to barf.

“Nicky, have you met Lorna?” asks Red, oblivious to the looks between the ladies.

Nicky rolls her eyes. “Yeah, Ma. We’ve met. But she’s a crazy cunt, so I’d keep my distance if I were you.”

Red looks taken aback. “Nicky. That’s no way to speak to someone you’ve just met!”

“No, it isn’t. But I’ve know this bitch for far too fucking long, Red.” She turnes to Lorna. “Funny we both end up here. You always thought I’d get caught, but I never thought you could be this stupid. Guess I was fuckin’ wrong.” She turns around and walks back through the kitchen and out the back door.

Lorna knows she must look pale as a sheet. She sees Red’s mouth moving in an apology for Nicky’s words, but Lorna can’t hear her over her own thoughts.

She is angry. Angry that Nicky ended up in prison, angry that Nicky called her that horrible word, and angry that she has to spend the next thirty-four months in the same prison with the woman who she used hate spending a day away from. 

But Lorna is sad, too. She used to think that if she ever saw Nicky again, they could get past what happened between them like adults, but acting like an adult was never Nicky’s strong-suit. 

She supposes she was naïve to think Nicky might be happy to see her after all these years.

… 

The rest of the day is blurry, and Lorna barely goes through the motions, practically requiring that Mercy push her down the hallway to take a shower. She finally ends up in her bed, which DeMarco has made for her, and lets the emotions hit her. 

Lorna covers her mouth to keep the sobs in as she cries quietly. She cries because she misses her home, she cries because she misses Franny and her crazy kids, and she cries for a girl named Nicky she knew as a kid. A girl who wasn’t hooked on drugs. A girl who didn’t call her names. A girl who loved Lorna a long, long time ago.  


	2. Chapter 2

The second day of prison is more painful than the first by all accounts. For some inmates, this might be because their eyes hurt from crying, or their back aches from the thin mattress, but for Lorna, it is because of Nicky Nichols. She’d thought that prison would be a few quiet, sad years where she regretted what she’d done, but in reality, it is like trying to avoid stepping on land mines. She is terrified that she’ll say the wrong thing and make the Russian woman angry at her, but more than that, she’s afraid Nicky will bring up their past and reveal her secrets, or keep looking at her the way she’d glared yesterday.

After prison orientation in the morning that day, Lorna is waiting in line in the cafeteria. A black woman with about twenty little buns on her head keeps staring at her with crazy eyes, and Lorna just wants to get her food and find a table.

“Hey, Suzanne. Stop scaring the new girl,” says the woman behind the staring girl as she grabs Suzanne’s shoulder.

The girl with the buns ducks her head. “Sorry, Taystee. Sorry New Girl.”

Lorna just nods, not sure what the right thing to say is at that moment.

Soon, she is at the front of the line and the girl Mercy had called Gina hands her a tray and gives her a genuine smile. 

Armed with her tray and a packet of non-threatening silverware, Lorna scans the room, looking for Mercy, or maybe Big Boo. Mercy spots her first and beckons her over to a table near the front of the room. As she approaches, Lorna realizes that the only open seat is directly across from Nicky. She takes a deep breath and sets her tray down quietly.

“Mornin’ Morello,” greets Big Boo. 

“Heya Lorna,” says Mercy with a smile.

Nicky presses her tongue against her front teeth and gives a curt nod.

Lorna sits down and replies with a quiet, “Hi.” She looks around at the other women sitting with them. There is a girl with blonde cornrows, and a pale woman with short shaggy hair. Mercy quickly introduces the former as Tricia and the latter as Jones, the yoga instructor.

“You ever done yoga, Lorna?” asked Jones.

Lorna cocks her head to the side for a moment, but decides that perhaps rolling around on the floor with Franny’s son wouldn’t count as yoga. “Nope.”

“Well you should. It’s very relaxing,” Jones replies with a comforting smile.

Big Boo turns to Lorna and rests her head on her fist. “Where _are_ you from, Morello. Your accent’s got me going in circles. “ 

Nicky finds that she has to bite her tongue to keep from answering for Lorna. When they were kids, and even through high school, she always used to explain where Lorna was from because she hated talking about her parents’ divorce. 

The brunette seems to remember this as well, because she looks up at Nicky before shaking her head and returning her gaze to Boo. “Brooklyn, but I was born in Boston,” is all she says and before shoving a pile of fruit in her mouth to signify that she is fnished with the conversation.

Big Boo, however, is not easily dissuaded. “So when did you and Nichols meet, then?”

Lorna’s left hand balls into a fist in her lap, but she takes a deep breath and tries to relax, even as she hears Nicky growling faintly. This doesn’t have to be a bloodbath. She and Nicky can be civil, right? That’s what she hopes, as she gives a faint smile in the blonde’s direction.

Nicky’s scowl only intensifies, but Lorna continues on vaguely. “We met in elementary school.” When Nicky doesn’t say anything in protest, Lorna adds, “We were best friends for, oh gosh, almost fifteen years.”

Suddenly, Nicky can’t contain herself. “Best friends? Is that what we’re calling this now?” she nearly shouts, gesturing between Lorna and herself. “Because I don’t think best friends fuck the way we did.” She scoffs bitterly. “And I certainly don’t think best friends leave the way you did.” With that, Nicky scoops up her tray and stomps out of the dining hall.

Lorna goes red as a tomato and tries to disapear into her mystery meat. 

Before any of the women at the table can say anything, Red appears in front of them. “Little Girl, Big Mouth, never knows when to stop. I am sorry for Nicky’s temper. Here, have a yogurt.” She pulls a snack-size carton of yogurt out of her pocket and places it in front of Lorna. “I’m sorry.” 

… 

_“I don’t believe you,” said a boy named Joey, crossing his arms and smirking at Lorna._

_Nicky wanted to punch the boy for his smug attitude. She and Lorna were eleven and for a reason that was still a little unclear to Nicky, the brunette was telling the class that she lived in a mansion. Everyone knew that wasn’t true. Last year she’d shared pictures with the class of her older sister’s new baby hanging out in their apartment, and it was far from a mansion._

_“No, I’m serious,” persisted Lorna. “We have a cook and seven servants. I even have my own personal servant who picks out my clothes in the morning.”_

_One of Joey’s friends named Carey shouted to a group of girls not too far away. “Did you hear that, girls? Lorna needs somone to pick out her clothes! What a loser!”_

_This went on for several more minutes, and a group of eight kids had gathered around the two girls. Lorna looked moments away from tears, and Nicky couldn’t stand it any longer. She looked across the playground to make sure no teachers were listening before stepping forward and speaking. “Hey assholes. Quit making fun of her.”_

_“Ooh, look, it’s Lorna’s_ boyfriend _standing up for her,” said Joey with a snigger. His laugh didn’t last too long, because right then Nicky punched him in the face. Lorna pulled her away from the boy and didn’t let go of her hand until a teacher came over to tend to the crying boy and take Nicky to the pricipal’s office._

_Nicky asserted, even years later, that the smile Lorna gave her after that punch was worth the weeklong suspension._

…

“Nicky,” Red says, standing outside Nicky’s cube. It isn’t a greeting, so much as it’s a reprimand. The blonde is laying in bed facing the wall, but she grunts in response to her mother’s voice. 

Red sits down opposite Nicky on the vacant bed. Nicky doesn’t have a roommate, and for that, she is grateful. She is, however, not grateful to have Red sitting here staring her down. She considers flipping her mother off and pulling the blanket over her head, but decides that Red would probably just rip off the blanket, so she opts for rolling over and saying, “What?” 

“I’ve known you for a long time, Nicky, and I’ve never seen you act like that.”

Red’s tone is worried, but Nicky laughs it off. “Well then you’ve never seen me on a bad day.” She knows this isn’t true, but she has nothing else to say, so she shuts her mouth and surrenders herself to a lecture.

But it doesn’t come. After a long, quiet minute, Nicky groans says, “Come on, Red. Don’t just stare at me like that. It’s creepy.”

Red continues to stare at Nicky for a moment before finally speaking. “She meant a lot to you. She still does.”

It wasn’t a question, but Nicky shook her head in an answer. “No, Ma. She means nothing to me. She was just some girl I knew before.”

“Was she your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, but I had lots of girlfriends. Jesus, do you want a full rundown of my sex-life pre-prison?”

Red gives a quiet sigh. “No. I just want to you deal with the fact that this girl is very important to you. I know you have your own ways of dealing with things, but whatever you do, stop yelling at the poor girl especially since it’s second day in here. Breaking up with you isn’t a reason for her to be miserable for her entire prison sentence.”

“Breaking up with me? I wish all she did was break up with me! She left me during my worst—You know what? Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“I understand, Nicky. Talk to me if you are struggling, alright?” says Red, getting up from the empty bedframe. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

Nicky groans a little in response and rolls back over to face the wall.

… 

_“Okay then, fuck you too, Mom. I’m leaving.”_

_“Nicole! You are not leaving this house.”_

_“Watch me,” replied Nicky, and she marched out the door. As she expected, her mother did nothing to stop her after their shouting match. She stuffed her hands in her sweatshirt pockets, and scuffed her boots along the sidewalk. There was really no question about where she was headed. She walked in the direction of the only place she ever really felt fully loved and safe: Lorna’s house._

_Nicky was fourteen, but she wasn’t afraid to walk several long blocks to Lorna’s apartment in the dark because of the pepper spray bottle in her pocket—the only useful thing her mother ever gave her._

_It was October, so the blonde high schooler was chilly and she walked quickly to Lorna’s neighborhood._

_Twenty minutes later, Nicky arrived outside the Morello apartment and pressed the buzzer._

_A groggy voice came throught the speaker a minute later. “Who is this?”_

_“Hi, Mrs. Morello. It’s Nicky.”_

_Lorna’s mom breathed out quickly and said with a hint of concern in her voice, “Come on up, Nicky.”_

_The building didn’t have an elevator, so Nicky climbed the three flights of stairs to Lorna’s apartment. When she knocked on the door, it was Lorna who answered, and Nicky couldn’t keep herself from crying when she saw her best friends worried expression._

_“What happened Nichols?” cried Lorna, rushing to wrap her friend in a tight hug._

_Nicky didn’t answer; she just kept crying. After a minute or two, Lorna’s mom tapped the girls on the shoulders gently. “Hey, ladies. Are you alright, Nicky?”_

_The girl’s blonde mane bobbed up and down on Lorna’s shoulder._

_“Does your mother know where you are?” Nicky shook her head. “You’ve got to call her. I can’t have you here without your mother knowing.”_

_Lorna felt Nicky’s nails dig into her shoulder in an effort to hug her even tighter. “Mom, can’t she stay here tonight and call her mom in the morning?”_

_Mrs. Morello was aware of the relationship between Nicky and her mother, so she had sort of adopted Nicky into her home these past several years. She sighed and relented. “Alright, but get some sleep. Goodnight, girls.”_

_Lorna broke the near-painful hug, wrapped her arm around Nicky’s shoulder and led her friend to her bedroom. She shut the door and took Nicky’s hands in hers. “What happened?”_

_The blonde shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just make out?”_

_“Shh!” Lorna whisper-shouted. Returning to her normal voice she continued. “Don’t say that so loud. My mom’s right out there in the kitchen. And no, I’m not,” she lowered her voice to a timid whisper, “kissing you,” louder again, “right now, because something is obviously wrong. I’m worried about you, Nicky.”_

_“Can we at least snuggle?” asked Nicky in a small, hoarse voice._

_Lorna pulled down her bed covers. “Of course, Nick. I’m here for you, okay?”_

_Nicky cried herself to sleep that night, but at least she had someone to hold her while she sobbed._

… 

Nicky spends the rest of the afternoon in bed. She figures Luscek won’t even notice that she’s gone. Tricia comes by around dinner in an effort to get her out of bed, but Nicky claims to have an upset stomach. The younger girl doesn’t believe her, but she drops the subject and reports back to Red that Nicky isn’t hungry.

She manages to avoid getting out of bed except to pee once that evening, but she is still unexplainably exhausted by the time lights out arrives. Unfortunately, once it gets slightly dark, sleep doesn’t come, and she can’t get her mind off Lorna. She ends up quietly crying herself to sleep pretending she isn’t longing for the days when Lorna would squeeze her hand as they fell asleep next to each other.


	3. Chapter 3

Lorna discovers many things during her first two weeks at prison. One of the most annoying things she discovers is that Miss Rosa snores _very_ loudly. Nearly constantly, since she is hardly ever awake. Lorna hopes that when she gets a permanent bunk, her roommate will be a quiet sleeper.

She wakes up on the third Monday of her stay to a guard standing over her top bunk. He isn’t one she has seen before, and he is terrifyingly tall, compared to Lorna.

“Let’s go, Morello. We’ve got your bunk assignment.”

Despite sitting up so fast that she gets a head rush, nothing can quell her excitement to be getting out of this small room with DeMarco’s breathing machine and Miss Rosa’s snoring. She quickly rolls up her bedding and grabs her small bag of belongings before following the guard to the dorms with an extra bounce in her step.

Her excitement dies as quickly as it came alive when Lorna sees who she is to be sharing a room with: Nicky.

The girl in question stares back at Lorna with an icy look.

“Alright, Morello. This is your bunk. You’re going to be working in the kitchen. Report there at ten—about an hour from now—to help prepare lunch. Be on time” The guard nods once and strides away.

Lorna slowly walks into her new cube and eyes her bunkmate carefully. When Nicky doesn’t say anything, the brunette tries to break the silence. “So this should be nice. Just like old times.”

Right away, she realizes this was the wrong thing to say, because Nicky’s icy glare turns scalding hot. “Are you fucking kidding me? Like old times? What old times? You mean like after you left me alone in our apartment with a pile of heroin and never came back? Or maybe you mean like those summers in high school when you had a boyfriend who you rubbed in my face and I was just supposed to be okay with that. Fucking hell.”

Lorna’s eyes widen and she backpedals as fast as she possibly can. “No, I—I just meant that maybe—I thought that we could—maybe we can start over?”

“Start over. Jesus.” Nicky pauses, and a realization dawns on her. “Oh my god. You did this. Somehow, you got them to put you in the same bunk as me. Because you just have to keep fucking up my life. I had a perfectly calm and quiet bunk before you got here, and now everyday it’s something stupid that we all have to hear about, and now you’re bringing that _shit_ into my bunk. Fuck.” She gets up, shoves her feet into slippers, and marches out of the cube leaving Lorna standing on her own side holding her bedding and trying to hold back tears.

…

_There was a week during the Spring of eighth grade when Lorna’s mom had to go out of town for work, so Lorna stayed with Nicky. Nicky’s mother was hardly around, so she didn’t mind that the girls were sharing a room and a bed, and she didn’t even seem to notice that they threw a small party for a group of their friends that Friday night._

_After a rowdy game of Never Have I Ever and some half-hearted dancing in Nicky’s living room, the group of about ten boys and girls were sitting in a circle. They were gingerly sipping cheap red wine from bright red Solo cups and playing Spin the Bottle._

_Jared spun the empty wine bottle and it landed on Nicky. The blonde made a face, but leaned across the circle and pecked Jared hastily on the lips. She wiped off her mouth and scooted closer to Lorna, who was sitting next to her. She really had no interest in kissing boys, but those were the rules of the game._

_Sandra went next, and she landed on Michael. The two of them kissed for, what seemed to everybody else, a long time._

_Lorna was after Sandra, but her spin landed on Nicky. She looked to her left and saw that her best friend had an excited glint in her eye. Nicky had ever so slightly leaned in when Jared called out, “Spin again, Lorna. You can’t kiss Nicky! That would be gross.”_

_The brunette nodded ferociously and reached forward to spin again. She ended up having to kiss Bryan, who turned out to be a sloppy, wet kisser, making Lorna feel a little sick to her stomach after it was over._

_The game went on for a little bit logner, but she noticed that Nicky didn’t have the same enthusiasm for playing as she did earlier._

_“Hey,” Lorna whispered to the blonde, “are you okay? Do you want to do something else?”_

_Nicky shook her head truthfully._ No, I want to keep doing this, just only with you, _she thought. “I think I’m going to tell people to leave, though. That cool?”_

_Lorna nodded and minutes later, Nicky ushered their friends out the front door by saying that her mom was coming home soon._

_When they were alone, Lorna quietly asked if they should clean up the scattered cups and bottles._

_“Nah, Rosa will do it tomorrow. You wanna go upstairs?” asked Nicky a little shyly._

_“Sure. I’m gonna get ready for bed. Thanks again for letting me stay with you this week.”_

_“Of course, kid.”_

_Lorna laughed. Nicky often called her ‘kid’ even though she was only months older than the brunette._

_The girls made their way upstairs, and Lorna found herself wishing that she had gotten to kiss Nicky earlier that night. It’s not that she liked girls. She always had crushes on boys, but today, she kind of wanted to see what it was like to kiss her best friend._

_After self-conciously changing into her pajamas in the bathroom, Lorna came into Nicky’s room and saw the other girl sitting on her bed biting her lip as if she were nervous. “What?” asked Lorna, almost giggling._

_Nicky bit her lip harder instead of laughing. Lorna didn’t think she’d ever seen her friend this nervous. “Say something, Nichols!”_

_“I uh, do you want to—you know how you landed on me in spin the bottle? I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to try the kissing thing. With me?”_

_Lorna’s nod was almost imperceptable, but Nicky saw it and relaxed slightly. She got up and silently walked over to where Lorna stood, looking unsure of what to do next._

_“Have you done this before?” asked Lorna quietly._

_Nicky nodded and saw Lorna’s concerned look. “Don’t worry. We can stop if you don’t like it, okay?”_

_Lorna took a step closer instead of answering. Nicky wasn’t really good at doing things slowly, so she closed the rest of the distance between them quickly and pressed her lips against Lorna’s._

_When she pulled away, Lorna’s eyes were closed and her lips parted as if waiting for more. Nicky smiled ever so slightly._

_The brunette opened her eyes gently. “Do it again,” she whispered._

…

Lorna wills the tears away and sets down her bag of bedding on her bunk. If Nicky isn’t going to even _try_ to be friendly, then Lorna isn’t going to bother either. They can be bunkmates that never speak. She’ll keep her stuff on her side, and Nicky can do the same.

She takes out her envelope of personal belongings and props up a picture of her and Franny on her locker. Maybe she can get some tape, but for now, this is good enough. She saw Franny last Saturday, and it was very comforting. As usual, her sister was in a hurry, but seeing her living her regular life made Lorna feel somehow normal. 

Glancing up at the clock, Lorna realizes that it’s almost ten and since she doesn’t want to upset Red, she heads down to the kitchen.

The cafeteria is strangely quiet at ten a.m., Lorna discovers. With no one screaming in Spanish or banging on the table, it is remarkably calm, and she feels a little uneasy. Just as Lorna approaches the kitchen, however, a loud argument breaks out in the back office and she jumps backward slightly. 

“Ow, Ma. Quit hitting me.” It’s Nicky, Lorna realizes with a cringe.

“I hardly grazed your head,” says another voice which she identifies as Red’s. “Besides. You deserve it after how you treated that girl.”

Lorna takes a step closer the the kitchen to hear the rest of the discussion as the women lower their voices. 

“Jeez, Red. I just don’t want to be sleeping in the same room as her, okay?” 

Lorna can hear Red’s exasperated sigh. “Nicky, Nicky. What do you want me to do?” 

There’s silence, and she assumes Nicky is shrugging her shoulders. 

“You should apologize, Nicky. You’ve been being a real piece of shit.” 

“I’m angry, Ma!” 

“I don’t care if you’re angry, I care if you’re being mean to one of my girls. Even one of the new ones.”

“Look, I just can’t handle—” Nicky stops speaking abrubtly because at that moment, Lorna takes another step and slips on a small puddle of water, landing right on her tailbone.

Red and Nicky hear the commotion and Lorna’s short shriek and step out of the office to see Lorna laying pathetically on the floor gritting her teeth in pain and embarrassment. 

The oldest woman pushes past Nicky and reaches out a hand to help Lorna up. “Now seems like a fine time, Nicky,” says Red, and she disappears into her office once again.

Nicky does her best to keep from rolling her eyes as she turns to Lorna. “Alright. I’m sorry for y’know, yelling at you before.” She pauses, and Red coughs in the other room. “And basically being a piece of shit these past couple weeks.” Lorna opens her mouth to respond, but Nicky continues. “But I’m still mad at you. I’m pissed as hell that you landed yourself in here. Fuck, man. How could you be so stupid.”

Lorna raises her eyebrows while Nicky shakes her head in disappointment. “I could say the same thing about you,” she replies.

The blonde scoffs. “We both knew I was going to end up in prison. Hell, you said it yourself plenty of times. But you…you coulda done something with yourself.” 

Biting her lip, Lorna turns away and silently curses this fucking woman whom she used to call a best friend.

Nicky throws her head back in frustration. “I’m sorry. You still can, though. You’re not in here too long. I’m sorry, Lorna.”

At the sound of her first name, Lorna whirls around. It’s the first time Nicky has called her by her name since she arrived and she thinks she could melt. She always loved the way Nicky said her name. Different from the way her mom and sister said it, but just as comforting. She takes a shaky breath. “It’s okay, Nick. Can we be civil, at least?”

Now Nicky feels like she could cry. “Yeah, kid. I’ll do my best. I gotta go.” 

Lorna feels as if a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders, and she is able to pay attention as Red explains her duties in the kitchen. She even smiles a few times and it feels really nice.


End file.
